about our wedding ceremony

The night before my wedding, we didn't have a rehearsal. We were getting married in a church that was 156 years old and had one outlet and no lights. (My students said that made me extra hipster. Whatevs, kiddies. I just do what I want.) So instead, our very small wedding party went out for sushi and other Japanese deliciousness that evening. I booked a suite for my girls and I to sleep. I stayed up making last-minute things while my bridesmaids slept. I was so excited that sleep just wasn't in the plans. Heath and I had kissed each other goodbye in the parking lot of the restaurant. He was going off with his two best friends while my bridesmaids and I were off to the hotel. I wouldn't see him face-to-face until I made it down the aisle the next afternoon. Of course, in this day and age, we texted one another throughout the night. He couldn't sleep either, and at one point said he was "working on his vows." Imagine my near heart attack reading that because we had kind of talked about writing our own vows right after we got engaged, but we didn't talk about it much after. I just assumed we were going to do the whole "repeat after me" thing. Heath wasn't joking, so since I couldn't sleep, I started writing my own vows. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I wrote, scribbled, threw away, wrote some more, scribbled, and scribbled. By the next morning, I didn't really know what to think about it, honestly. I texted Heath after he had his shower, and he said that he had memorized his and repeated them over and over to himself in the shower. Imagining my big lug of a man carefully rehearsing his wedding vows all while washing his hair was one of the cutest things that has ever entered my mind.

By many standards our wedding was really non-traditional, one tradition we did keep was not seeing each other before the wedding (We only had 2 attendants a piece, so we knew that we could take care of photos after the ceremony quickly). As a photographer, I have always enjoyed the reaction between the bride and groom when they haven't seen one another before the wedding, though I have also enjoyed photographing people who do see one another before the wedding with their "first look." It is so raw and intimate. If they are so enamored with one another, it is downright genuine. Even though we had an afternoon wedding, I craved seeing Heath all day. I really did. I was almost antsy waiting to see him. That building anticipation was one of the best feelings I have ever felt.

The fun part about this whole not seeing each other before the wedding thing was that our church only had one big room, not even a bathroom (what up, 1856? what up my Aunt Kim's camper toilet that she put behind the church? WHAT UP?). My best friend, Laura, drove me to the church, and we actually had to have Heath moved so we could pull in because the church is set in a field and didn't have a parking lot per say. To the right of the church we had a white tent and chairs set up for the reception and to the left of the church is where people parked. Laura parked her Sante Fe behind the reception tent until the ceremony started. Though I saw him...he didn't see me. Watching him smile so big, talk, and look so darn happy made my heart nearly explode (#FEELINGS), even if I didn't know what he was saying. Not to sound overly emotional but it made fall even more in love with him. It really, really did.  With no rehearsal, we totally winged the whole when our wedding party walked in, which I think added to the whimsy and charm of the day. In some ways it was like we had woken up that day and decided to get married. We didn't have every single detail planned to the umpteenth degree, but then again, that isn't really us. We didn't have a parade of our grandparents, mothers, fathers, etc. This was mostly because they asked if they could just go ahead and sit where they wanted to and let us do all the walking. We didn't have a ring bearer or flower girl. We each had our two best friends and each other and that was honestly enough. We told our best men and best gals where(ish) to stand at the front and when to walk in and such. The unknown added to the excitement, I think. Since I was walking myself down the aisle, I was so excited that my stepdaddy ("Pops") officiated our ceremony. It was such a blessing and one of my favorite and most special parts of our wedding. He is one of my favorite people on this Earth, and though I miss my daddy terribly, I cannot imagine a better person alive to lead my family.  Heath walked down the aisle with Pops, then shortly after our attendants followed. They walked in to "All I Want is You" by The Vespers, which happens to be a favorite of mine. I preferred this cover to the original by Barry Louis Polisar because though the lyrics are cute and meaningful, his voice seemed disjointed for what I envisioned for our wedding. The beautiful, upbeat harmony set the tone for our ceremony. Take a listen, if you'd like.

This also was the song I talked about here, the one that would not. stop. playing. The funniest thing that happened at our wedding, hands down. If you are confused by the photo...please read it.

Though my girlish wedding planning was pretty non-existent, I knew from the second I heard "Saeglopur" in 2007 that it would be the one I walked down the aisle to. It is beautiful, dreamy, and haunting, even if I have no idea what is being said. The English translation is "Lost at Sea," which I deemed appropriate since I feel like Heath completely wrecked my life when we fell in love. He wrecked it in that I felt/still feel lost without him, butwith him I feel most like myself and the person I most want to be. Sorry for all my mushy truth but that is what it is...the truth. (#MOREFEELINGS)

This song is extremely long, so I googled how to cut and fade songs and used the first 0:56 of this song. I actually rounded the corner at 0:38 and the song faded at 0:54. It was perfect and was exactly what I wanted it to be. People later told me that I looked like I literally floated down the aisle, and honestly, I believe them. I am pretty sure that is the best way to describe it. Floating. Walking down the aisle was in the top most vulnerable and empowering moments I have ever had. I felt naked and exposed., yet triumphant. I was boldly claiming that my life was not going to be as rich and rewarding without Heath being a part of it. My need for him being that great. But at the same time, I was making a huge life decision, taking part in another person all the while offering myself to them. Being so independent my entire life, it took a lot for me to realize that I didn't need him. I have been my own person, doing my own thing, taking care of myself for a long time. BUT (and that's a big but(t)) I wanted him. And that want and desire had slowly melted into a need. It is such a whirlwind of emotion, but all I know is that when I got to the end of the aisle and was enveloped in Heath's arms, hearing my favorite 3 words, everything made complete sense.

We never took our eyes off one another for a second during the ceremony. It wasn't long. It was pretty much to the point. We didn't have a unity candle or anything like that. First, we couldn't have candles in the church, and second, that part in weddings just seem awkward. So in the spirit of "doing what we want," we forwent all that and cut right to the chase.The best part was the vows. I actually had friends who told me that they had never cried at a wedding until ours because it was so honest and genuine (this was so humbling to hear. What praise!). Heath went first and said the most personal promises I've ever been told, and then almost halfway through, he forgot them. His eyes got huge, and I felt his hand shake a bit while it held mine. It was so cute because he was in mid sentence, then said, "...and I forgot my vows..." Then they came back to him. He spoke to me as though it was just us, and though I did my best not to, I cried. I cried great big tears with every word he spoke. I was feeling such an element of exposure that I thanked God we had a small wedding. That would have been difficult with a huge crowd looking on. He had this assurance in his voice, this confidence. It was so calming, yet overwhelming and was very hard to follow. Though I had words rehearsed in my head, I sort of winged them. I took a breath and in my mindsaid, "Jordan, just tell him the truth." The words just flowed from me. How? I am unaware. Then all of a sudden, I FORGOT MY VOWS, TOO. By this point, I was at "ugly cry" status, so I relied on my fallback that I was sure would be a crowd-pleaser. "I PROMISE I WILL RESPECT YOUR CHOICE TO EAT SPAM!" I exclaimed in a shaky, tearful voice (this is a disagreement we had early on in our relationship over Spam and other kinds of potted/canned meat. I vowed early on not to make it or buy it but leave it up to him should he want it). It was a moodchanger. I followed it up with saying I would love him all of my days and that was that. Pops pronounced us, we kissed, and then we walked out to greet our guests for our reception.

...which I will tell you all about...tomorrow.

Thanks so much for reading.

xoxo,

Lady

*All photos by Heather Canterbury

small wedding planning: the small deets

I won't lie to you, these past two weeks have kicked. my. rear. end.
Deadines + lesson plans + grading papers + saving for Honeymoon ("Big Moon") + teaching Zumba + trying to have a normal life= Jordan in fetal position saying, "No, Life! Not fair! I will NOT!"
I was all, "I'm going to finally blog about my wedding!" ::fist in the air::
then I was like, "Daaaaang, adulthood. Why you no love me?"

Enough of that sob story.  E n o u g h. 

On to what I said I was going to write about in my last post: zee boys. :)

As you can tell by my wedding photos thus far, I am probably the most laid back person in the world. I am all about comfort and being myself. And for my wedding, it was no exception. Since I wanted my ladies to be comfortable, the menfolk were absolutely right there with them. Having been a wedding photographer for almost 7 years, I can honestly say that the most uncomfortable people at weddings are the fellas, especially when tuxes and suits are involved. Heath and I were in sync when it came to wedding plans. We had a small budget we were sticking to because we wanted to have a big honeymoon. We did things together, and any ideas I had, I ran them by him. Once I got my dress and realized our wedding colors were going to be in the "Fall" genre, I felt like it would be best for the guys to have brown tones. One thing Heath stressed was how he didn't want to have a jacket. Honoring his wishes, we opted for the guys to wear brown vests, khakis, white shirts, and brown leather shoes/boots. That was what he said would make him comfortable, and believe me, I wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible on our wedding day. Well, let's be honest...within reason. Heath took care of his guys' vests, and they were responsible for khakis, shoes, and their shirts. This was another big thing for us: we didn't want our best friends to have to pay for anything when it came to being a part of our wedding. We consider ourselves extremely blessed to be in the lives of Roger, Andrew, Jade, and Laura--extra blessed to have them stand beside us on our favorite day. So, after we established the boys' duds, we looked at details. I wanted to have their boutonnieres be something interesting and different--no flowers. This is an area in which Heath and I are so different. Heath thought flowers weren't "manly" enough. Initially, I wanted to have feathers be a major role in our wedding, but I opted out when we went "Fall." After a few things not really working, I decided to do something for the boutonnieres that were "totally Heath." I cannot stress enough the importance of having your wedding be completely about you. It needs to be yours. Own it. Love it. It needs to scream you and your partner. With that mantra, I decided to make the boutonnieres out of the fellas' favorite superheroes. Heath has always been a fan of Batman. Roger likes Wolverine, and Andrew likes Captain America. I went to the toy section of Target and bought the action figures and used fabric, hot glue, and a pin to make their boutonnieres. They were kind of a hit. They were quirky, fun and sooooo Heath. When I surprised Heath with them, he was so relieved and excited to have something that was a personal nod to him and his interests. Usually men don't really care when it comes to wedding things, but I think it is important to make them feel included instead of bossed around on what to do.

The Hunk

Heath and Andrew before the wedding

The dapper menfolk

I know some of you who have planned/are planning large weddings, and let me just say, my hat goes off to you. Heath and I had little over a month to plan and had a small, intimate wedding by most standards, and I still felt like it was hard to breathe sometimes. So seriously, you people who are doing it/have done it: I think you are THE BEST and are some of the greatest magicians of all time. Feel accomplished you all. Add it to a resume, "Planned huge wedding by myself with poise and class...most of the time." Do it and don't feel bad about it.

With the boys being taken care of, I had to figure out what in the world my bridesmaids and I were going to carry as far as bouquets. I didn't really care about having real flowers. Is that bad? Does that make me the worst bride in the history of all brides? I know I sound like I didn't really care about my wedding, but I so did. I was just more concerned with being married to my favorite person that everything else seemed somewhat superfluous. With that being said, my bouquet and my bridesmaids' were made by my mother and myself one evening with some ribbon, wire, and hot glue. Wal-Mart does a whole Fall thing when it comes to home decor and they had bunches of fall flowers for $5. So...3 of those bad boys later, add cutting, tying and gluing--we were in business, and I had zero complaints. I wouldn't recommend planning a wedding in a month to just everyone, but when you have that crunch time, everything seems great. I wanted my bouquet to be a little different, so it was slightly different from the others, larger, and contained a photo of my daddy from when he and my mother were dating in high school (they got married at 17). I honestly don't think, the bouquets could have been prettier if they were real. They were perfect in my book. We used similar flowers to make hangers for the pews and leaves of the same color.

My bouquet

The decorated sanctuary

Please put on your protective eye wear for this photo as my legs are pale some kind of MAJOR...but leaves! Yes...let's just look at the leaves...

A pew adornment

All of our bouquets

We also found these iron window panes shown in the last 2 photos at Decorative Iron in Judsonia. As you can see above, for what we were going for with our wedding, the church served a lot of decoration on its own. The cracked paint, original floors and windows didn't really want for much. It had its own charm and whimsy. We couldn't use candles, as they are forbidden in this church, but we felt like the altar needed just a little bit of something. We got the two frames just to lean on the back wall and used a wreath we were given around the time my father died. The colors were perfect, and as morbid as it may sound to have that as decor in my wedding, it just felt right.

Ok, mah lovelies. This wraps up this segment of my little wedding posts. Tomorrow (yes, please hold me to this), I shall be writing about our ceremony and reception. Then perhaps the next day (or let's be honest, possibly the next), I will be writing about our mini-moon. This is all to be done before our grand European Honeymoon-palooza that is going down in less than 10 days. Not that I am counting...

xoxo,
Lady

*all photos by Heather Canterbury

planning a small wedding: dresses

First off, Happy Valentine's Day, errrrbody!

Hope you are having fun with someone you're crazy about or at least eating something super unhealthy while watching something great on TV. I, unfortunately, am at home, alone (the Hubs comes home at 3:00 a.m. AMEN), eating something healthy (boo), and watching one of my favorite romantic movies of all time, Ghost. Seriously doesn't get much better than young Demi and young P. Swayz, Whoopi, Unchained Melody, pottery, and that RIDICULOUS apartment. Some of the good things in life, friends.GOOD THINGS.

So, in case yous guys were wondering, I decided to blog about my wedding because I know there are some of you right now who are in the throws of planning your own. Or...you may not be anywhere close to planning a wedding, but you may find yourself in the position one day. Or you may just find it comical, my approach to planning a wedding.

Ok, dresses! I am not going to lie, I actually had really great success in finding my wedding dress early on and finding ones for my bridesmaids, too. The problem was getting said dresses delivered. More on that later.

Obviously when planning a wedding, you're going to have set out colors. I had originally wanted some fun bright jewel tones, but I didn't think that that would pair well with a Fall wedding. I had wanted simple, black and white striped dresses with bright jewel-toned tights for each bridesmaid. Cute but again, wasn't going to jive well with a Fall wedding. After that, I refused REFUSED to have a Fall-themed wedding. I didn't want anything super expected like that. I then went with a navy, cream, peach, and gold color scheme that I liked, but I just couldn't find any dresses that I liked. Everything changed when I finally saw THE dress.

I really wanted something vintage when it came to my own dress, but everything I found was either TINY or had a stain or was way out of my price range. Of course, all of this searching happened in the course of a few days but still. It felt like a lifetime. Heh. Then I got my answer via blog searching one day. I found a dress that I decided I would make my wedding dress on one of my favorite blogs: www.skunkboyblog.com

She posted photos and this one sold me:

via

Katie looks so dern cute, and though she and I have very different body types, I just thought this was me. It was full of whimsy and had that vintage feel that I was going for. Double plus bonus: the store was offering a discount via her blog, so this bad boy was less than $100. For some of you, this is a hot mess of a wedding dress. But that is the beauty of your wedding, my friends; you get to do WHATEVER YOU FEEL LIKE. (unless you feel like spending a lot of money you don't have...it which case, no, you cannot). I loved the flowers and bows, its non-traditional feel, and thought the details could pass for Fall colors. And there you go, I became a convert to a Fall-colored wedding. With the skirt being so voluminous and my hips being the same, I thought it best to add some height to my frame by wearing a tall heel. So I decided I wanted a closed-toe pump in orange, a dark chocolate shawl to cover my shoulders, bright red lips, and a birdcage veil to top it off. Now, this non-planner had a plan and now just had to tackle bridesmaids dresses.

Anyone who has planned a wedding can tell you: bridesmaids dresses can be THE WORST. Lucky for me, we had a super small wedding and coincidentally 2 attendants a piece. I had two of my best gals: my sister, Jade and my bff, Laura. The problem that occured here was sizing. My sister is short in stature and at the time, was going to be about 7 months pregnant on my wedding day. My bestie is tall and slim. So basically, I thought it was impossible to find a dress to accommodate them both comfortably and in chocolate brown, to boot. Something that'd fit in the waist for Jade and something that wouldn't be too short for Lar. Luckily, I have one of the greatest friends ever who just so happens to be the best at finding things, and she found a few dress options for me to look at. One of them was a convertible dress from Target that had straps that could wrap around the waist or neck to create different necklines. It was also made out of a jersey material, so I knew it would be comfortable and probably be something that they would wear again. Aaaaand it was on sale for $17. Again, I am a laid-back, thrifty person, so this worked for me. I also found burnt orange wedges at target.com that weren't too high for Jade and also wasn't going to make Laura be way too tall. They were buy one get one half off, and I got free shipping. (high fives all around). I ordered it all the same day and used the money my Mawmaw gave me to go toward my wedding to buy them. The problem with ordering online, though, is waiting and praying the postal system doesn't fail you.

I could write a novel about my experience with Target and my wedding, but I will spare you. Suffice it to say, Target failed me for the first time ever. Not trying to bash anyone but that was seriously one of the most stressful times of my life. Since I ordered two dresses and two pairs of shoes, they told me that I would receive my shipment in two installments. Well, I got the shoes, no problem, but days went by with no dresses. With this being a really short engagement, I couldn't do this. I called Target every day, and every day I spoke to someone who spoke broken English and couldn't understand the panic in my voice. They said they had the wrong address with the dresses, which is comical since I ordered it all at the same time on the same account. MOVING ON. What ended up happening was my mother reordered the dresses and had them overnighted the week before our wedding. ALL WAS SAVED. IT ALL WAS. Thanks, Momma! (Target gave me a refund and a $10 gift card for my trouble...thanks, Target...2 weeks after the fact).

To style my dress

• I bought 5 inch pumps from Modcloth, which gave me the height to offset the volume of the dress. I purchased ones with a small platform to make it comfortable, and they were insanely comfortable for the height.
• I also wore L'Oreal Infallible Never Fails Stars Collection Lipcolour in Beyonce Red. This stuff is UH-mazing. It doesn't matter what you're eating, kissing, whatever IT DOESN'T COME OFF. So, I knew that this was a way for me to wear my signature red lips, be all kinds smoochy with Heath, and not get anything on him. Score.
• My mother and I actually made my veil. It was definitely a two-person job, and I am pretty sure I lost a few fingertips in the process. Curse you, hot glue gun! (and thank you because we would never have made it without you.)I was inspired by the J.Crew birdcage veil below but was not about to justify spending $295 on the veil, I don't care if it was my day or not. #dropsmic So, we DIY'ed with netting from JoAnn's fabric bought with a coupon, a white headband, and some feather details for a grand total of about $6. Take THAT over-priced J.Crew veil. #dropsallthemics
  Perspective: That one veil would have been more than my dress, my bridemaids' dresses, aaaand all of our shoes. So seriously, J.Crew, shame on you. SHAME.

After all the trouble, I couldn't have been more pleased with the results. My day was the best, the very, very best.

Sorry, y'all, please don yourself with protective eye-wear when viewing those legs of mine.

Last 8 photos by Heather Canterbury.

So that is all for dresses, everyone! I apologize for this dissertation of a post.

Next up will be the boys, the wedding ceremony, and decor.
Thanks for reading :)
xoxo,
lady

invitation love

I have a confession to make:

our wedding invitations were probably my favorite thing about our wedding (leading up to it). Our love story is such an intricate part of who we are, and I knew that our invitations needed to, in some way, display that.

 

Trying to find the right invitation for us was tricky. We were on a budget and wanted something simple, yet hard to forget. We didn't want something fancy. We wanted something that was us. I did further research and found an incredible wedding invitation by designer Matt Dorfman for his 2008 wedding, in which he used different type to outline he and his fiancee's story. Instantly I thought: this is for Heath and me! What a great way to display our story!

 

So, I sat down with Heath and wrote down our story. That was by far the easiest part. Then, I tried to figure out how I was going to create it. I hadn't a clue, so I consulted some friends, and they pointed me in the direction I needed with InDesign CS6. I did the 30 day trial, tried to fiddle with it...and was at a dead end. Feeling at a loss, I grasped at the last straw I knew, which was a woman I had worked with in our journalism program here at school. She works for the local paper, so I asked her granddaughter, who was a former student of mine, if she knew if she could help me. Ms. Pat contacted me immediately and said she would be happy to do it for me, if I would just bring me a copy of the story, she would have the proof in a couple days. What a huge blessing!

 

So, a couple days later, I went to the local paper to see my proof, and my heart nearly left my chest. It was absolutely perfect. Ms. Pat told me of a local paper store in town to get my paper. We needed 11X17 paper, 2 invitations were to be printed on each piece of paper, then cut in half vertically. I showed up to the paper store and had to stifle a giggle. A little old man ran it. On three of the four walls, there were deer heads, fish, and other animals mounted. On two of the four walls, there was John Wayne photos and posters.Was this REALLY where I was going to buy the paper to make my wedding invitations. Here?!  I asked him if he had any 11X17 thick linen paper in cream. He went back to get me the 31 pieces he had left. I noticed a sign that said, "no debit or credit cards," so I whipped out my checkbook, and he laughed, "Girl, it ain't but $2.00. Take the paper. How about you run $2.00 by the store tomorrow?" (and that's just what I did).

 

After I left the paper store with my paper, I took my design and paper to the Office Depot in town and asked them to print and cut them in half for me. Ms. Pat showed me how to fold them to where the actual invitation would act as its own envelope. After I got my stamps (almost $18), I got a sharpie pen and addressed them by hand.

 

So for under $30 I got the most meaningful invitations I could have hoped for.

 

 

This is us.

love,
lady

on listening to one's mother

::NOTE: I wrote this in the wee hours of my wedding day. The wifi at our hotel was on the fritz, which is why I am now just posting it.


As many of you know, today is my wedding day. I am currently wide awake while my bridesmaids are sleeping so soundly in nearby beds of our hotel suite. My mind is racing with the promise of the day, and my heart has never been so full. When your heart is full, you become more grateful and clear-headed, and right now, since I cannot for the life of me find slumber, I want to give those reading some pretty sound advice:

Listen to your mother.


When I was about 5 years old, I got my bottom bruised while at Vacation Bible School. The bruise was ugly, and what was even uglier was how I got it. It was formed by the hands of a boy in class who actually pinched it pretty hard. I remember it seeming like something so fierce. What I remember even more than that is the conversation that my parents had with me on the way back home from the church. My parents are the best teachers I have ever had, and they taught me a lesson that night that I never forgot. My mother said, "Jordan, you are in charge of your body. No one touches you without your permission. Even your booty, you are in charge." What happened next is one of my favorite memories and something I have yet to live down with my family. I sat in the back seat and said with an assured but tearfully cracking voice, "I'm in CHARGE of my booty!" Of course this caused giggles from my parents. But right then at age 5, I made one of the most important decisions of my life: I chose to be in charge of my own body.

Let me say, I was always one of those kids who tried to be a pleaser. All it took from my parents was a look of disappointment, and every white flag I had was waved. I took everything literally and most of the time, my faith was the cause of it. I was the kid that hurried my parents to our hotel room in the Bahamas because I hadn't read my Bible that day, and it was getting close to 11:00. I lived in fear for a while of disappointing my parents and disappointing the Lord. I like to think it was out of respect. But a life of fear was not for me. After taking and then later teaching a True Love Waits course, I felt like my promise to the Lord was a signed contract in my mind. There was no backing down. Once I got to college, I took a few health courses and learned more about sex, disease, and the likes. Then my choice to abstain from sex not only was spiritual but also a health-concious decision. There are so many things going on out there; I just didn't want to be a part of it. I didn't want to invite any of it in my body.

Many women do find empowerment in their bodies. They use their sexuality to get things they want. They flaunt, they conquer, they eventually hurt others, and often-times, themselves. I witnessed this a lot growing up with some of my schoolmates. Girls gave their bodies freely, and while at first it was fun for them, the fun died away and the happiness they thought they had was short-lived after they were disposed of after the deed was done. Witnessing this and hearing my mother's voice in my mind, I never gave anyone control of my body. The advice I received 22 years ago helped me get to this point in my life, and I couldn't be more grateful for my mother's words. While some find power in giving their bodies, I have, thankfully, been of the opinion that self-control is empowerment. I am humbled and so blessed to say that I have saved myself for my wedding night, and Heath is the first and only man I will give that part of my body to. What an incredible gift it is to me. I hope it is the same to him, as well.

This choice I made cost me some relationships in the past. I had some major relationships in my life. There were some guys who were very blunt and said, "Jordan, you're really nice and everything, but you know...I am going to want that so...maybe this should end because if you aren't going to do that, then I'm not sure if this is going to work out." It wasn't a hard choice for me, really, to say, "well, ok, then. It was fun. See ya later, dude." Sometimes there would be a shocked expression like the guy couldn't believe that I was ok with things ending, like he expected me to say, "Oh, no!  I can't imagine not being with you, so yes! We can have sex now. I changed my mind." Silly men...


When Heath and I first started seeing each other romantically and it was obvious this wasn't going to be a fling, I dreaded having "the talk" with him. I prayed, "Dear Lord, please let him be above this. Please let him be different. Let his reasons for wanting to be with me be more than this, and if they aren't, let me have the strength to walk away with my head high." And I am happy to report that he was and is. Heath has encouraged me in my choices and has been so supportive of me and respectful of my body in ways that I just can't even describe. He is the only man that I have been romantically involved with who didn't try to push the envelope when it came to my body and sex, which made my attraction to him grow, which made my choice at sometimes difficult. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to be marrying him in about 12 hours.

I don't want this to sound like a public service announcement or anything. I write this not to say anything about people who share a different belief than I do. I write this not to boast. I write this to get these thoughts out, so I may rest my mind. I also write this to encourage. I encourage you, young ones, to listen to you parents. Listen to their wisdom. Absorb it, appreciate it. You can live a very fulfilling life that doesn't involve sex, if you don't want it yet. I played sports, travelled, was Homecoming Queen, lived overseas, taught, loved, and lost in my life. I have no regrets, including my choice to be in charge of my body. The choice wasn't easy, I will say. It was difficult and taught me a lot about myself and self-control. While we live in a world that tells you that your body is yours to do with as you please, we tend to only see that as a way to encourage our sexuality. Just remember this also goes the other way. I am no expert, but I will share with you that I never had a friend who shared with me about a guy that she regretted NOT having sex with. Usually, it went like this, "Now we aren't together anymore and I just feel like such an idiot because we had sex a couple weeks ago and now we're through." (It was never, "Oh, Gosh. Now we're through. If I had JUST had sex with him...") Being dumb to the subject, all I could do was hold her hand and say the words "I'm so sorry you're hurting." Any time I did this until now, it solidified my choice; it made me grateful.

Live the life you love with no regrets.
xoxo,
Lady

P.S. I would like to thank my mother, Karen, for being my crazy cheerleader all these years. I cannot believe I am on the brink of marriage. I wouldn't be here and be so happy without your love and support. Thank you for giving me a set of values to follow and for making it clear that even if I stumbled, you would be there to love and help me. Thank you for showing me what character and integrity are and their importance in life.
I love you,
Jordan

on turning water into wine

Forgive me if the next few (or way more than a few) posts are about my wedding or moments during or after. This feeling is all too new and exciting. Once we get photos from our photographer in the next month or so (btw. She is Heather Canterbury and is the CAT'S PAJAMAS!) it will be on...so please brace yourself, my loves.

I have a post that I wrote the night before my wedding, but I am saving it for tomorrow or the next day, I think.

My first post about the wedding involves my father, who as most of you know died 5 years ago today. It may sound strange to you for me to talk about a wedding post that involves my deceased dad, but trust me, he was there.

The Lord's first miracle was keeping a wedding party going by turning water into wine. This could have been a very frightful thing for the bride and groom (or let's be honest, the bride's mother). By this time, they probably hadn't been married but minutes or a couple hours max and BAM: everything suddenly wasn't all roses and rainbows. They faced a (small) problem right off the bat. The Lord then provided them with what they needed, which was his very first miracle.

The wedding planning was such a fun thing for me and my mother. She rocked it out with her creativity and thriftiness. I have witnessed so many weddings through being a photographer. I had a pretty good thought process on the do's and don'ts, the things that I have seen that worked, the things that hadn't. I tried to trouble shoot as much as I could. I wanted our day to be full of joy, but there always seemed to be something amiss, no matter how much we checked things off lists. As much as I wanted to fight it, I knew it was the fact that my daddy wasn't going to be with me. In a way, I was moving on to next big thing in my life. Though these types of moments are filled with so much rejoicing, there is always a piece that is missing in our puzzle. Him.

October was his favorite month. It is the month that held his birthday, but it is also the month that held his death. It is a bittersweet month for my family because we know this was his favorite time of year, but October 30th always hangs on at the end like whale with its mouth wide open ready to devour the happiness leading up to it.

When Heath and I got engaged in September, we knew we didn't want to wait very long but we wanted to have enough time to plan a small family-based wedding. We both chose October because we really wanted to have a Fall wedding because Summer weddings in Arkansas are too hot.

October 27th: I feel as though I had a small miracle of my own this past Saturday; though by many, it could have been viewed as a problem. But as the Lord does, he turned my water into the sweetest wine.

It happened right before I was walking down the aisle. I dreaded walking down the aisle by myself. It wasn't like I didn't have anyone who could have done it. I had originally asked my mother if she could because she is the closest thing I have to my dad. She told me she didn't think she could do it emotionally, and the more I thought of it, I didn't want to rob her of getting to see her oldest daughter walk down the aisle. So, I resolved with walking myself, and the more I let the fact resonate, the more encouraged I felt about it. I am a 27 year-old woman who has lived independently for 5 years. I wasn't a 20-year-old who still lived at home to where it would be customary for the father to "give away." Even if my dad had been with me physically on Saturday, he wouldn't have been "giving me away" to Heath. I was willingly giving myself to Heath, all on my own.

Feeling empowered, I waited behind the door after my bridesmaids left down the aisle and was standing on the stoop of the church alone with Heather, our photographer. Before I could catch myself, I said, "Hey, could you get a picture of my bouquet, please? I have a picture of my dad in it, and he died 5 years ago." Once the words left my mouth, I felt this huge lump form in my throat, and I thought that I was going breakdown and then there would be no bride walking down the aisle and everyone would think I had ran away and was rejecting Heath and so on and so forth... (crazy how the mind just takes off before you can catch it).

The bridesmaids song was getting to a close and I knew I had to suck it up because there was the most beautiful man waiting for me to come to him. I took a deep breath and then all of a sudden, the song was over. The song that I was walking down the aisle to (Saeglopur by Sigur Ros) was supposed to be starting. My brother Callahan was in charge of the music that day. I had given him 3 cds, all numbered with directions. #1 was supposed to be music playing while the guests were arriving, #2 had 2 songs: the song that the bridesmaids walked down to and mine, both cut and faded, all he had to do was push play, and then #3 was the song we were walking down the aisle to once we were pronounced. As I nervously waited behind the door, waiting for the piano/ xylophoney music, it never came. All of a sudden the previous song came on, then it abruptly stopped. I heard a slight shuffle and whispers and thought how strange it was. Then I heard it start and stop again and then I got a bit concerned. The left door of the church was open and is the door I entered, slowly I put my hand out in the open giving the number 2, and I heard the giggles. After Andrew saved the day and Saeglopur started up, I had the biggest smile on my face. You had to know my dad to know what a big prankster he was. I find no surprise that the music mysteriously messed up when it was a pretty cut and dry thing. When it was supposed to have started, I was on the brink of getting upset. By the time it actually did start, I found myself giggling and feeling like this was the most perfect way to enter my wedding. Quite fitting. As soon as I entered through that left door, all I saw was my Heath standing at the end with the best looking smile I have ever seen from him. When I got to him, he gave me a big hug because he knew that it really was a big moment for me, walking alone.

But as I said before, I was not alone.
Not at all.

photo of my dad when he and my mom were dating, which is what he looked like when they got married later that year.

 

 

xoxo,

lady